The Thought Domain

Blog revival

2011-02-05T01:13:00.001-08:00

*Dusts the blog*

*cough*

phew. almost forgot about this blog. been drowning in a pile of work. At first I had 8 tasks, but it fell flat on the floor and now I have infinite tasks to complete.

Much work maketh wearied bones.

Had been wallowing in a lot of frustration. can't quite fit into this world, I feel.

Then, I read Spurgeon's exposition on the beatitudes and I'd come to realise that I've been very joyless for a professing believer. Come what may, I should give thanks, not paying merely lip service to my heart, but truely living it from the heart.

I will delight in this:

His grace is sufficient for me, His strength is made perfect in my weakness. adapted fr 2 Cor 12: 9

freebiz(y)

2010-03-28T07:41:00.000-07:00

whenever new ideas pop up, i keep telling myself this:

"one day when i'm free, i'll do this"

one day when i'm really free, i'll be really busy..

Encouragement

2010-03-26T05:10:00.000-07:00

words of encouragement from the Lord, in the midst of an o-so-weary week..

yesterday:

Psalm 62:8
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge. Selah

today:

2Cor5:1-10
Our Heavenly Dwelling 1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
6Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7We live by faith, not by sight. 8We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

life is a struggle,
and living is tough.
but i will look to the Lord yet,
and be strengthened by His presence.

Musings of the day

2009-11-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

Chemistry Inspired
always thought chem was interesting, but never knew it could get so fun..

today's lab session..
1) cooked eggs using paper as fuel
2) measured CO2 gas composition for soft drinks (results: 1cm3 soft drink yields 1cm3 gas)
3) cooked egg without fire using just KOH (potassium hydroxide) pellets and water (exothermic reaction demonstration- water went fr 20 deg to 110 deg in 1 min)

Giving thanks!

2009-10-29T05:33:00.000-07:00

its a tough month, really. i must have said this umpteen times. I don't know how I got through, but I got through it. Thank God=)
Thank God for getting me thru grammar test (phew!)...thank God for getting me thru IPPT (i passed..!! no more rt..!!)..
i've triumphed over learnt helplessness, yes!
it seems really trivial.. but to me, its an affirmation of God's faithfulness (even though we're not)..still He is sovereign over all, and even if i didn't get thru, He's teaching us to give thanks in all circumstances.
BUT, i got thru anw, so thank God=) !!!

Praising God in difficult times

2009-10-23T04:59:00.000-07:00

its been a really difficult time for me this past month or so.. the workload at NIE is really crazy. was doing some simple math yesterday and found that we have more than twice the modules as compared to the degree program. perhaps they think grads can do it better so instead of the 4-6 modules for undergrads, they crammed 13 modules into 1 sem for the post grad students like us. so smart.
mission trip training has stepped up as well. peaked at 4 times a wk for last wk. lots of things to settle still, but little has been completed.
have to go for rt. twice a wk. hope i pass it this time rd, otherwise, it'll be 3 times a wk. then i'll really GG le.
lots of ministry work on hand to do as well. had youth ministry (facilitating lesson, leading worship, playing as musician, meetings and plannings)..have been neglecting I and J..feeling quite guilty but i really simply dun have more time on hand.. main congregation ministry too..but thanx to yix for helping out with translation duties.
On top of that, there have been people i believe God is leading me to reach out to, and along the way, edifying others. trying to minister to them as and when possible. just that day, i was praying with a pre-believing friend JY. still, there are many friends that have been contacting me, of whom i try to reciprocate (and nt ignore) in the hope that i'll be able to reach out to them someday, and that Christ's name will not be shamed by me.
sometimes i feel like martha, but its hard nt to be when you see needs everywhere. at times, it gets really overwhelming and i struggle so much. because of the hectic schedule and busyness, esp with ministry work, i neglect my walk with God. Oh what an irony it is!

but despite all these..i told the Lord; that i'll still give thanks in all circumstances, and praise and worship Him. i did just that yest on the school shuttle bus, and it was a bit difficult, but i still sang songs of worship in my heart. this morning, i've found the joy of worshipping God once more=) was reading ODB, and it reminded me of how the Lord always goes before us in all the paths that He is leading us (Jn 10:4) and it really reassured me. Somehow i started to worship spontaneously acapella and then it moved to worship with accompanyment. Indeed it is a joy to worship the Lord=) it realigns the focus back to Him instead of ourselves. yes, God is truely good! not because He gives me all the desires of my heart, but because He is God! ( we need to engage in a paradigm shift to achieve this perspective)

this too shall pass..

2009-08-29T05:18:00.000-07:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_too_shall_pass

a folklore of solomon, fr wiki..

One day Solomon decided to humble Benaiah Ben Yehoyada, his most trusted minister. He said to him, "Benaiah, there is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I wish to wear it for Sukkot which gives you six months to find it." "If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty," replied Benaiah, "I will find it and bring it to you, but what makes the ring so special?" "It has magic powers," answered the king. "If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy." Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility. Spring passed and then summer, and still Benaiah had no idea where he could find the ring. On the night before Sukkot, he decided to take a walk in one of the poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day's wares on a shabby carpet. "Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?" asked Benaiah. He watched the grandfather take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When Benaiah read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile. That night the entire city welcomed in the holiday of Sukkot with great festivity. "Well, my friend," said Solomon, "have you found what I sent you after?" All the ministers laughed and Solomon himself smiled. To everyone's surprise, Benaiah held up a small gold ring and declared, "Here it is, your majesty!" As soon as Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweler had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: gimel, zayin, yud, which began the words "Gam zeh ya'avor" -- "This too shall pass." At that moment Solomon realized that all his wisdom and fabulous wealth and tremendous power were but fleeting things, for one day he would be nothing but dust.

life is transient..

I am only but a passer-by in this world..

Faraday

2009-08-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

Inspired.

updates and thanksgiving..

2009-08-06T05:40:00.000-07:00

havn't had an entry for some time le..

some thoughts with regards to the past few months..

Grad Trip

hmm..very long trip for me..too long in fact..6 weeks overseas and on the go is no joke..i think I'm more suited for Singapore, seriously..

quite enriching in some aspects..finally saw some of the sites and monuments in france, italy, greece and turkey but was definitely very taxing..in many sense of the word..
throughout the trip I was meditating/ruminating on the Ecclesiastes passages..and i just wondered what was I doing..? i think it disrupted the mood of the trip quite a bit..it seemed like the world was beckoning so invitingly..how easy it is for us to lose ourselves, i thought..

ESE Experience
really was quite an experience..my CS1 CT was on maternity leave, so from day 2 onwards I had to take 3 of her classes..was almost like a full fledged teacher. very memorable and very steep learning curve. though some of my colleague felt like it hasn't been very fair on me, i think its been good. quite a shock having to take so many classes alone without prior experience but the Lord has His plans and I believe in Him. just hoped that His name has been glorified through the situation He put me in.

anw, on retrospect, I really enjoyed taking the classes..the classes I had were very fun and most of the time cooperative. quite sorry that i made some mistakes in class, both technically in subject matter=P and techniques wise, but I guess its part and parcel..they were all very endearing..

so things to thank God for for putting me in this situation..

1) steep accelerated learning curve

2) God glorified through my willingness to take the task, maybe?

3) got to really know the students and to build rapport with them

4) made me rely on Him more

also had some very painful/frustrating/heart wrenching moments..

had to relief 2 classes which were totally difficult to manage
one of the classes had students running all over and i almost had to call the DM..
the other class was plain rebellious and defiant..(i shall not go into the details)

but i guess God brought me through it all and He also used it to remind me of why He put me here..His love compels and He has enabled me to love others, even the unlovable ones..b'cos He has first loved me, and that they too, are precious in God's eyes.

also want to thank God for a good CT for my CS2, Mdm S who arranged for several observations with other teachers that i might learn more..

thank God also for letting me find favour among colleagues and students..

considering whether to go back to my ESE school or to my alma mater..a dilemma to be prayed over..

NIE

school has started..feeling a little disoriented still..but its getting better..was feeling rather lonely in school..didn't feel like i had spiritual support/company..then i thought of Jesus..and i felt comforted as I recalled the times when walked really close to God; and I know He's there beside me all the time, never leaving nor forsaking me..

anw..thank God for the 2 hr lunchbreak which i had alone..managed to have quiet myself down in the midst of busyness and to be still before God..thank God also for the friends made in class after the break..met someone who was also keen on missions and seemed like he walked with God..praise the Lord..=) then met more ppl from the same 'upgrading course'..and found fellow sisters in Christ..

lots of mugging to do..NIE really thinks very highly of us..they crammed our timetable with modules i can hardly breathe..hope i don't GG..

impermanence

2009-04-14T05:55:00.000-07:00

if everything is impermanent,
is the concept of impermanence itself impermanent?
Is nirvana then also impermanent..?

if there is such a thing as absolute relativism,
is then relativism absolute..?

Life

2009-03-20T17:47:00.000-07:00

Life is transient.
the brevity of it all compels one to go beyond the impermanence of material things.

term papers

2009-03-17T22:36:00.000-07:00

term papers..term papers..term papers...ARGH..!!!!

深深愛你。。。

2009-02-23T03:53:00.000-08:00

深深愛你，耶穌，深深愛你，耶穌，
我愛你超越生命中一切，
深深愛你，耶穌，深深愛你，耶穌，
哦，我愛你，耶穌。

哦，我愛你，耶穌。

On Disorders

2009-02-13T08:11:00.000-08:00

Disorders are fluid,
but the symptoms are real.
The underlying conflicts are real.

People need the Lord.

Psalm 139

2009-02-12T07:02:00.000-08:00

1O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
2Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
3Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
4For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.
5Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
7Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
8If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
9If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
12Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
13For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
14I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
15My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
18If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
19Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
20For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
21Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
22I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

It's a new year..!!

2009-01-21T19:18:00.000-08:00

ok..so school has started..

hols have been great..had fun doing things and had fun doing nothings..why muz it end so fast..argh..had a great time slacking at hm..going for church camp, carolling and at the youth chalet..

having some inertia in getting back to 'readings n term papers mode'..but started anywayz..going to grad soon..woohoo..!! the thought of it excites me..finally going to take a break from studying..*phew* thank God for the timetable..bidding and balloting was quite smooth this time..got the modules n tutorial slots..

E has been attending church wif me..and everyone has been asking if we're tog..maybe i shld hang a cardboard ard my neck declaring that we're onli juz friends..guy+girl+ go church= together? anw pls pray for this sister in Christ that she can join our youth sessions..and for her faith to grow too..

really wanna thank God that Isaac has become so much more mature..if you interact wif him you'll know what i mean..its really God working in ppl..we can't do it by ourselves..and Joshua is following suit too=) i think many times we can be so faithless..i'll pray n pray for ppl..but after a while i see no result and i'll stop praying abt it..but God is a faithful God and He hears our prayers..He juz answers the prayer in His own time..

also want to thank God for all the opportunities to share Christ with sq..hopefully he'll be more receptive..he's actually quite open to discussion actually..unlike wat i had assumed of almost everyone..for assuming pple dun like to engage in spiritual topics..had to do it thru more technical stuff though..i think its quite awkward for guys to share thru 'soft' avenues..maybe its juz my tendency to veer towards that direction..

praying for future directions..seeking God's will..only have a general direction now..guess i can only wait and be patient..will probably work in the marketplace for a few years first..

Thank God For The Small Things

2008-11-06T04:23:00.000-08:00

Thank God for the small things in life.

Thank God for the run in school on Monday, which alleviated the pent-up stress and frustration over deadlines. n thank God for the Ah Balling after the run=) its always nice to fill ur stomach after expending energy..ok its always nice filling ur stomach whether u expend energy or not haha..!!

Count your blessings

2008-10-21T04:56:00.001-07:00

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

2008-10-02T06:40:00.001-07:00

its painful to be in the service of the Lord..feel so helpless sometimes..i can't help you..unless you learn to let go..unless you learn to surrender..very often, all the pain and frustration we experience is b'cos we refuse to let God be on the throne of our lives..its a painful and difficult teaching for people to accept..its painful to watch people in pain yet be unable to do anything b'cos they do not want to heed you..because they love the things of this world too much..b'cos they love themselves too much to want to let go of their desires..to attune themselves to God's will..time to die to ourselves..time to die to our sinful nature..time to magnify God..minimize ourselves..

2008-10-02T06:26:00.000-07:00

My spirit pains and grieves for you
My heart writhes with agony at your lost
Perhaps, you've never noticed
How you were valued by others
Perhaps, you've been too preoccupied
drowned yourself in sorrows
its too late
all seem lost
i pray
that you'll turn back one day
come back to God's grace
He'll always be waiting
to welcome you back with open arms

AUGUST

2008-09-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

Quite a lot of updating...

Back to school..
but still kinda disorganised n disoriented n dis( you fill in )...
Attempting to be minimalist..

2008-07-29T07:18:00.000-07:00

所需要的力量你天天賜給我，

你恩典夠我用。

Its a joy to worship the Lord..!

2008-07-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

Its really a joy to worship the Lord..!
This can only be done if you worship in spirit and in truth;
worship with all your heart, mind, strength and soul.

The greatest victories are gained through surrender.
How much are you willing to surrender today?

Struggles

2008-07-29T06:58:00.000-07:00

Feel abit unworthy to quote Paul, but yup, here goes..

Who is weak, and i do not feel weak?
Who is led into sin, and i do not inwardly burn?

2Cor 11:29

The story of the doting Father

2008-07-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

Once, there was this Father who doted on his children, though He never did spoil them..He gave them everything that they needed and more..they had tasty n nutritious food, nice clothes and many toys to play wif..

but alas, one day, the children decided to take some building blocks and crafted a robot in their image..then they said to one another, let us call it our father..it will provide for all our needs..when the biological Father saw it, He was overwhelmed with grief..year after year, the children refused to acknowledge Him or His presence..when they did they scorned Him and spat on Him..but the Father never gave up..Filled with love, He sought them out and initiated reconciliation with them..

if you are reading this and have not yet established a relationship wif God, i wish to share this with u, that..

1) God made us and wants to have a personal relationship wif us
2) He yearns to share in our joy and sorrow, like a Father to his children
3) but we have sinned and turned away from Him( the penalty for sin is death )
4) but God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son Jesus Christ to redeem our sins through death on the cross, that we may restore this relationship
5)all that is left for us to do is to repent, open the door of our hearts to personally receive Jesus into our lives and through Him experience God's love again..
6) you can do this through a simple prayer: Dear Lord Jesus, thank You for dying on the cross for me, i accept You now as Savior and Lord of my life. Lead me as you know best. In Jesus' name i pray. Amen.

Mission Trip

2008-07-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

oh finally..back in S'pore..spent june in EA for my mission trip..quite an enriching experience for me..
really seen how God worked in this trip..i saw that it wasn't me, but rather, it was God who's working..without Him, we really wun be able to acomplish anything..many a time, it was Him who created the spiritual conversations..many times, it was the students who initiated it..
also saw God's providence during this trip...from beginning till the end..from how He provided financially to providing friends there..to the people who are seeking..i experienced His love thru the many students we've met there..they were really hospitable n brought us around..paid for most of the entertainment..took time off to interact wif us(it was close to their exam period) n even lent us their laptop for a few days..! i thank God for whom without the sharing of the gospel wld be much more difficult, of not near impossible..i thank God for the many occasions where we shared the gospel in chinese..and engaged apologetics in chinese, dealing wif all kinds of difficult topics..God was leading all the, and so He alone deserves all the glory..! Praise be to the Lord our God..i'm sure God will continue to work in their hearts n one day they will accept Christ into their hearts..
i've also learnt to work with people..God had put me together wif a buddy who is totally different from me..thru this, ive learnt more abt my inadequacies and also (still learning) to speak the truth in love..

Sunday Posting

2008-05-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

Thank God..! cos really pleasantly surprised at all the support raising thing..God really provides..! i think if anyone wld trust in Him, He'll definitely provide for all our needs..=) it has really been encouraging for me..esp in church..all the encouragement people gave in so many ways(prayer, notes etc)..feel like i dun really deserve them but praise the Lord for His grace..

Lots of meeting people of late..lots of eating out n lots of gd food..overdosed liao..but once again thank God for all these opportunities n all these things that we can enjoy..

Had a birthday session at hm today..ended up engaging in apologetics with them..haiz..dun wish to share the gospel this way but think bo bian lar..situation called for it..used the 4 SLs too..so yup..can only pray for God to work in these hardened hearts..

I'm really excited abt the trip..can't wait to see what God has in store for us all..

Post Exams..!

2008-05-16T07:31:00.000-07:00

yay..! exams have ended..! so happy lar..i was alr in holiday mode before the stats paper(last paper btw).. but it has really been a bz wk after the exam..
been really bz preparing for mission trip to EA..going for jabs..team meetings...meeting people..support raising..tiring but i suppose its worth it..=) wanna thank God especially for smtg to do wif the support raising..went to the missions clinic for jab but was sick that day..despite gg there( n waiting a few hrs to see the doc)..he didn't want me to take the vaccines that day..so quite sad lar..but at the clinic i saw yx's auntie..! wanted to pass her the newsletter but nv got the chance toin church..then there she was standing before me..yup..n as i walked out of the clinic she responded to the newsletter..yay..! praise the Lord..!
ippt is coming..! argh..went for runs ard the park..then joined all the racket games that i had been invited for..now i'm so physically drained..pengz..at this rate i'm so nt gonna pass my ippt..which is in 1 wk..
got another thanksgiving item..was juz taking to a close fren last wk..then she shared her probd n i met up to share the gospel..the very wk she PRCed..! hope to bring her to church asap..this wk her tuitee changed tuition to sun..sense that it might be a hindrance fr the devil..pls pray for her..
sigh..world tragedies abound..spilled all over the pages of the world section in the ST..so sad..earthquake..cyclone n flood..bomb blasts..
relim: if earth cld remain a non-disaster place, wld it become a better place? more wld be paying for their sins...eg Nineveh..when it flourished it got filledwif sin..our stubborn hearts requires huge shaking, before it can repent..along with more disaster, man will then turn to God..
oh well...knowing all these..we shld jia you on sharing the gospel with the pple ard us=) !

Exam Post

2008-05-01T06:08:00.000-07:00

Yoyo..! (Brushes some cobwebs off this blog)..ok i'm in the midst of exams now..ok maybe not IN the exam but having exams in this period..eh i'm not eng2(hokkien for free) ok..juz bo liao..lol..
anw juz wanna give thnx to God for everything thus far..=) though the exams weren't that smooth n had some hiccups but yea..Thank God..that though we may stumble but we will not fall for the Lord upholds us wif his hand (Ps 37: 24 NIV)..
yup thats all..Have a blessed wk ahead..!

i am too lazy to think of a title for this post..

2008-04-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

today we had a 2nd healing session by pastor william lau..his sharing during 'youth' was quite inspiring..though after looking at all the pics with miracle healings i was still abit like'zhun bo..?!'..haha anw after reading his acct of how he started i was kinda amazed at his faith n all...i also wanna do that..!
still having issues wif pride, lust, unforgiveness, gluttony n being judgemental..i have a prob reconciling moral n ethical principles wif the workings of the exploitative capitalistic nature of humans n their activities due to sociological education..my oh my..sigh..so if ur reading this pray for me yar..thnx..
psych research articles say that forgiveness n counting ur blessings lead correlates to happiness..haiz these human..its all recorded in the bible 2000 yrs ago..! ur late..! for more wisdom: ref to the bible...

this wk..

2008-03-28T23:39:00.000-07:00

was a rather busy wk..cos its even wk and that's where most of my tutorials are..quite thank God anw for completing the dev term paper yest..2 more to go..=) looking forward to the last dg on mon..we're having ice cream at daily scoopz..1st orders are on the outgoing sm..yay..! yix i met ur friend Pearl yest..u noe her..she yr 3 also..same dg? she's gg CA...
its a sat n i'm at hm..sadz..still got term papers..=S i think the C14 radioactive isotope got more life than me lar..

A Rainy Day

2008-03-12T05:10:00.000-07:00

oh man..today's ride hm was so long..muz have been the rain..or cld it have been me haha...the train i was waiting for at jurong east mrt was delayed..there were some glitches, apparently..then i boarded the one they sent and it was crawling half the time..stopping along the the tracks for dunno wad reason..then the feeder i took broke down after juz 1 stop..wat a sight..!cos 2 buses in a row broke down at the bus stop..and 2 more buses had to stop on the outer lane for the passsengers..congestion sia..

Post New Year Thoughts..

2008-02-27T06:24:00.000-08:00

ok..finally new year's ended..feels quite long to me..don't really noe abt the rest but for me it was juz the 1st 4days of visiting/being visited.. then its almost like non-existent..till the last day called yuan xiao..some background to it...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lantern_Festival and..http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tangyuan.. so that was how yuan xiao was changed to tang yuan..anw..
went to watch Dim Sum Dollies..super hilarious..all the political and cultural jokes n puns...! but pity the foreigners..dun think they'll understand or relate as well..oh well..

SEP

2008-01-16T07:57:00.000-08:00

still deciding whether to accept the SEP offer..asked relim for advice..this is wad he said.."
time is precious, limited, with ur family, friends, and even for urself, try to eliminate any earthly wisdom in ur consideration, which will keep your directions clear"yup..that was really fresh..hmm..will keep that in mind..

More Ranting..

2007-12-13T06:07:00.000-08:00

time for some more ranting haha..

wad a long wk its been..quite sianz from work at the Regent..helping Jenny wif her work but she keeps going on n on juz like my mother..argh...cannot stand...she juz keeps assuming that i don't noe everything...n attempts to teach me how to use the comp..but her explaining is so not clear on the procedure..expecting me to infer so many things...erm...i'm not the brightest here really...n nt all uni students are geniuses..kept getting a lot of criticisms fr her..though sometimes its nt my fault..like i was so slow n behind time..yar..partly cos i'm trying to get used to the comp programme too..but cos she made quite a lot of mistakes n i had to apanstakingly amend them lar..thats why the checking( of the invoices ) took so long. wats more i was 'mobilised' yest to go do inventry checks..it took us (the team) 3 hrs lar..felt so indignant! not fair lor...i have so many things to do...n today i got 'mobilised' again to file balance sheets..which are quite a lot n rather cumbersome considering there are sooo many to file...it occured to me again that accountants are the ultimate tree killers..! if anyone noe of any other profession that supercedes them plz let me noe haha...anw..
today i went down to the World Vision office...n donated $30 for Ariston my colleague(that was his Christmas wish for gift exchange)..and i juz collected some brouchures for him..hmm...i think i'm gonna propose to the youths the 'adopt a child' program..we can all do it together..then go overseas for community proj n humanitarian missions..think it'll be gd as an outreach/evangelism effort... will see how it goes..
once again..i feel that i'm such a hypocrite..like i'm so cheery outside..but i can't display positive emotions to pple at hm...i juz can't..i can't bring myself to...=( most of the time i juz give a straight face..i feel that i juz can't connect wif them...haiz...struggles..

Accumulated Thoughts

2007-12-06T08:39:00.001-08:00

Harlo..!
do some updating..
Spiritual life:
hmm..wasn't very good but hope to make use of this hols to grow closer to God again..went down to crusade mass media bookstore n bought a bible dictionary..cldn't decide on the ot n nt materials so kiv first..so yup...
i think one of my greatest weakness and hence the biggest struggle lies with lust..really hard to suppress thoughts..allowing myself to be tempted..hmm..works of the devil..i think guys will find it easier to relate..i think it will be a long battle..juz as it has always been..
as for crusade..was considering massively scaling down involvement..n not caring abt anything anymore..this was a really crappy sem so really thank God for leading me thru the exams..quite gave up on the fm dg already..it was very discouraging for me to lead the dg cos they juz arn't commited to come n attendance is so poor..denny being the most faithful of all already..but sometimes they're like so cold..i was so discouraged after this whole sem i didn't ask inform them of ministry day..thinking that they wun come anw..prayed to God for some encouragement..then was juz on msn tonight when denny msged me n asked if i was gg for ministry day(he muz have found out thru yahoo grps)..felt so guilty..didn't even inform him..but i wun be gg cos of work..now i think he's nt gg cos i'm nt gg..haiz..this is a golden opportunity for him to noe other crusaders since they hadn't attended a single crusade event..sadz..but was really encouraged that he still had interest n initiated conversation..i was really sad when one of them commented that it was lame when i suggested a dg outing..kinda tired..need God to help me build this dg up..wif lots of wisdom..n strength...
yup..wanna thank God for a job too thru uncle tiong n mt..quite time cos quite broke( as usual actually).. thank God too for the tennis sessions esp today..bought a racquet fr wayne..got to noe this dg mate better this sem..picked up tennis fr him..also thank God for helping me recover my wallet 2 mths ago..cos i carelessly left it at cl cblc n it had a few hundred in it to pay for stuff..n also for opportunities to share christ when i prayed so...thank God for being ropha..healing me of all my ailments n sicknesses..thank God for all the small pleasant things that happened..like during study wk when i was so sian..n God blessed me wif a bottle of green tea fr the arts corridor cos the machine had credits..n also for all the guitar lessons fr pple..thank God for all the nature He'd given me to feast my eyes upon..for watching the squirrels in school scurry here and there on the trees n ard the benches in the morning..for the birds that fed on the fruits n berries in sch(Matt 6:26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?) and for the eagles soaring everyday in the morning sky when i look out of my window..how majestic and magnificent they look..God's glory is certainly far above that and i can hardly fathom.. and this verse came to me too(Isa40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint).
i think pride has caused me to rej a lot of blessings fr God..i dun like to receive help..juz like to do everything myself..but i guess if we were to humble ourselves..we'll overflow wif blessing, big and small ones..i figured pride was also one of the factors that posed as an obstacle to gg for church camp...although i do feel that its still nt necessary to spend so much juz to get away to hear a msg fr God..the money cld have been put to better use..lemme give some credit to crusade..cos they really made me 100% convinced of my faith..thru appologetics i was convinced of the hardware( logic, reasoning, evidences thru r2r ,josh mcdowell, c s lewis) n the software( answered prayers from God, this sem while fasting outside of engage i experienced this immense joy that transcended all human language cld ever describe..!)...

Studies:
had been really cui..to the max..this whole sem was utterly horrible..i shall attribute it to mismanagement of time n not knowing how to say no..hence an overinvolvement in crusade...i think i muz have been a really bad example for christ..for all my dismal n lousy grades..hope i didn't stumble anyone or too many pple..feel kinda stressed sometimes..cos i noe i'm an ambassador for christ so i'll have to be on my best behavior..n even worse if i'm wearing any crusade shirt cos its even more obvious..dare say i'm nt the best christian ard..nt even close to..so it has not been a very easy or smooth journey living my best to glorify God..

Family:
still dun really noe wad to do xcept to cont praying..cos so far didn't get very far with my efforts at sharing christ...hmm..quite tired sometimes..it muz have been gd to live in a christian family..cos i feel like everything that i do will be evaluated being the sole believer in my entire family tree..its been really trying..esp wif my mum..cos she nv ever learns anything..fr wad i observed..she's been the ultimate test of my patience..everytime i snap or have something to comment i'll experience cognitive dissonance..dun noe how to tell her to juz let go of the things in life so that the truth will set her free..so that she'll no longer feel frustrated at all the nitty gritty things at work or in life cos Jesus carries all our burdens...and that our identity is in Him, so that she can juz ignore wad others think of her and be less paranoid..

On character n life:
i think i'm still quite insecure..maybe that's one of the reasons why i wanna learn everything..to be all rounded..but end up being jack of all trades n master of none..hope to be more focused..but also find them interesting too that's y i'm learning them..suffering from low self esteem sometimes..acquiring learned helplessness in studies n in leading dg etc..the problem lies in comparing..muz be..yup..sometimes feel quite childish..dun noe..can't draw the line b/w childish n childlike anymore...need to be more mature..but how do u define maturity...? i wanna do so many things..but yet, i wanna do less to get more out of life..life is too short to run thru it..slow down..take a breather..enjoy God n his creations..

Thank God..

2007-09-28T00:14:00.000-07:00

today i was feeling rather down..muz have been the effects of studying for an entire week..felt really tired of studying and wondered why i am doing all these..cldn't feel God..so i asked Him why has He hidden Himself from me...then i stumbled upon a clip on youtube..it's a clip by Worldvision..it reminded me again of how lucky i am..i don't deserve the grace that i'm receiving..i shld be thankful for what i have..why shld i be complaining, when the children in the third world countries are suffering from famine, poor sanitary living conditions, forced labour and a lack of education..if only there was a way to make the world more equal..if only resources were not so unequally distributed..so thank you Lord for all your blessings..i pray that one day there will be enough to go abt for everyone..

A happier post

2007-09-19T04:31:00.000-07:00

ok..yay..finally..a happier post..! hmm..was quite stressed a few days ago..so bz with sch n p comm stuff(it's Engage!)..almost died..felt jaded and all...led the lunchtime prayer meeting n worship..quite badly prepared but really thank God for leading the whole session thru..but got so stressed had to go for a run yest..went 4km ard the neighbourhood...felt much better after that...today's dg attendance improved..! hoped they gained something fr today's sharing...met R on the way hm..had dinner.gotta hit the bks again..tmr got german sem test..argh..!

Overloaded

2007-09-07T07:31:00.000-07:00

down wif a very bad flu the whole day..totally terrible..so tired..i feel like i'm overserving...juggling so many thing..church n crusade n studies n bills..so stressful..think it muz have weakened the immune system drastically..the past wk had been really stressful..so many things to do..tut n presentation n p comm stuff...i can't focus n conc..n being sick doesn't help...ok..poor S..my p comm ST..like really bz..cos i think the comm isn't the best..but i can't really help her much..i'm really bz as well..wonder y they didn't invite the other guys like tong etc..they're quite gd wad..gg to step down fr comm next sem..can't handle it anymore.I WANNA DO LESS...! commitment really is a scary word..need to check out wads fully in store b4 i commit the next time...i think i'm fast becoming like martha..do n do n do n do....need to be still n come b4 Him...ok..i hope the next post will be a happier post..=)

Reflections on Death

2007-09-06T22:15:00.000-07:00

ok..quite sick today..used up 12 packs of tissue in less than 6 hrs..there was a sharp pain in my stomach throughout the journey hm..wonder if i'm dying..i'd be at a complete loss if i know today's my last day. wun noe wad to do..if today's your last day n u noe it, wad will u do..will u still go to sch as usual...? will you still study hard n mug in the library or do smthing else...? wad will you say to the pple ard u..? will u die w/o regrets..? i think i'm nt ready to die, cos there's still so many things i wanna do...i dread the thought of facing Him with an empty list..i've nt done much for Him..Life is so vulnerable..pple die all the time..nt juz the old n aged but the young as well..pple dying fr running marathons and all kinds of stuff..we shld really be grateful for everyday that we wake up finding ourselves still alive...but after a while..the enthusiasm to live fruitfully simply dwindles...its really hard to sustain it every morning..waking up to a day full of stuff to do..neverending lects, tuts, assignments n term papers..n all the other stuff that fills up the timetable..leaving u choking..gasping for air and some breathing space at the end of the day..ok this is such a morbid post..haha..death is like some kinda taboo topic for most pple...

1st Post

2007-08-26T03:40:00.000-07:00

ok..this is a new post..! had church today..saw Ching Yet but didn't manage to see his wife or kid..worship was on the pulpit( for the 1st time)..a rather scary experience..felt even more isolated from the rest of the congregation. Argh..sch term's started..very bz..i think we shld do less to get more out of life..but then again..easier said than done haha..though we all have the same amt of time..its how we spend it...but i think God's pple shld spend more time wif Him rather than be distracted with the things of this world..nt trying to be self righteous here..but juz stating a fact..i think campus is so vibrant that people will tend to be distracted and participate in everything and anything but God related activities..hopefully people will come to see the importance of putting God first..afterall..we shld focus on what is eternal right..?